Daul byla modelka.
Ve 20 se oběsila.
Možná se vám nebude líbit - zezačátku, ale pokud si pročtete její blog - I like to fork myself - ke konci zjistíte jak krásná osobnost to byla, jak se nebála napsat všechno na rovinu, že ze všechno nejvíc milovala svá dvě morčata, a že jednoduše nepasovala do tohohle světa - východiskem pro ni bylo to, že se rozhodla svoje utrpení lze skončit.
Ale já to prostě nechápu...články co jsem o ní četla, vytahovaly z jejího blogu takové ty depresivní úryvky a psali jak trpěla depresemi a kdesi cosi...
Já si stejně myslím, že měla ještě nějaký důvod...
Poslední písnička, kterou přidala:
Jinak na těch videích je podle mě pěkně vidět jaká byla - a interview pro nylon tv (v tom druhém, od 1:40) bylo to poslední, co udělala. Vypráví o tom jak nikde nezapadá, a že nikde nemá domov (vyrůstala v Singapuru, potom chvíli bydlela v Koreji a od 13 jezdila po světě)
Koho by zajímal její život ->
Ty nejzajímavější básně a články najdete po rozkliknutí (opět mega článek).
10.2.2007
no past no future
no past no future
no past
no future
to have no past
to have no future
to do nothing
to not even be in a state of nothingness
to disappear
no past
no past
no future
no utopia no hell
no nothing
i miss the days
when i had no future
now im just
left with the past.
i miss the days when i used to dream
being dazed
zoned out
nowdays i dont even want to get high
or sad
or lonely
i just want to feel nothing
think about no past
miss nothing
create nothing
do nothing
no future no past
no nostalgia...
just nothing...
no past
no future
to have no past
to have no future
to do nothing
to not even be in a state of nothingness
to disappear
no past
no past
no future
no utopia no hell
no nothing
i miss the days
when i had no future
now im just
left with the past.
i miss the days when i used to dream
being dazed
zoned out
nowdays i dont even want to get high
or sad
or lonely
i just want to feel nothing
think about no past
miss nothing
create nothing
do nothing
no future no past
no nostalgia...
just nothing...
_________________________________________________________________________________________
31.12. 2007
Say hi to my new hobby
i am scared of heights.
i didnt know why.
before when i was young
i used to climb up coconut trees
kill insects
and climb up the wall
the door..buildings...
sit on the roof.
i was not scared
until i fell one day
now im on the roof
sitting on the edge
with my legs out
thinking
that my shoes will fall
or i will fall
but its okay
i didnt know why.
before when i was young
i used to climb up coconut trees
kill insects
and climb up the wall
the door..buildings...
sit on the roof.
i was not scared
until i fell one day
now im on the roof
sitting on the edge
with my legs out
thinking
that my shoes will fall
or i will fall
but its okay
__________________________________________________________
i HATE men wearing skinnny pants, even if ur skinny u shouldnt wear it
cos u look like a fish and its annoying un bearable and if ur a fat man
then ofcourse, u shouldnt wear it
RELAX!
wear loose pants...
cos u look like a fish and its annoying un bearable and if ur a fat man
then ofcourse, u shouldnt wear it
RELAX!
wear loose pants...
_________________________________________________________________________________________
i guess
people
have
roles to play
have
roles to play
________________________________________________________________________
say hi to desire.
i never had
desire
in my life
i never had a goal
or want
right now i want something
i want something really bad
and i never felt happy wanting something
i will get it...
someday
desire
in my life
i never had a goal
or want
right now i want something
i want something really bad
and i never felt happy wanting something
i will get it...
someday
Its a never ending hell
never ending nightmares
Last night
i saw a white fox
coming at me from the corner of the
room
My body was asleep but my mind was
awake
My eyes were closed but i could see the
shadows of the trees from the window
The difference is how much can you
never ending nightmares
Last night
i saw a white fox
coming at me from the corner of the
room
My body was asleep but my mind was
awake
My eyes were closed but i could see the
shadows of the trees from the window
The difference is how much can you
ignore and deny
________________________________________________________________________
4.6.2008
my life in seoul.
hi
sorry its been a while.
i was in seoul for the past 2 weeks.
my life in seoul is quite
surreal.
its very apart from reality.
or maybe this is reality and what i have been
experiencing abroad is not.
my days are like this.
work, go home, rest, go to spa, go to massage, do yoga,
eat, drink, sleep, spend money, earn money, talk, ride
bicycle, think, read, dream.
i like being in my room in seoul
because it is undisturbed
unchanged
for many years.
i feel strange here
people are too nice to me.
life is quite easy quality wise
but mentally i feel
empty
but i feel empty all the time so its not a big deal.
so i drank.
i drank
saturday and sunday.
i drank quite alot but i couldnt get drunk.
my lips taste of last nights champaign
i took a walk yesterday on my way to brunch
i had croque madame and it was horrible
there were so many cherry blossoms
i walked and walked and walked
and saw even more cherry blossoms
2 days ago
i rode the bicycle after shooting, in the afternoon
i didnt ride it for so long
i rode my friends boyfriends bike and she rode hers.
it is beautiful spring in seoul
and we rode and rode and rode
and i almost ran over 2 people
for hours
i was lost
in the wind
and the speed
change is good.
change is scary
but change is good.
sorry its been a while.
i was in seoul for the past 2 weeks.
my life in seoul is quite
surreal.
its very apart from reality.
or maybe this is reality and what i have been
experiencing abroad is not.
my days are like this.
work, go home, rest, go to spa, go to massage, do yoga,
eat, drink, sleep, spend money, earn money, talk, ride
bicycle, think, read, dream.
i like being in my room in seoul
because it is undisturbed
unchanged
for many years.
i feel strange here
people are too nice to me.
life is quite easy quality wise
but mentally i feel
empty
but i feel empty all the time so its not a big deal.
so i drank.
i drank
saturday and sunday.
i drank quite alot but i couldnt get drunk.
my lips taste of last nights champaign
i took a walk yesterday on my way to brunch
i had croque madame and it was horrible
there were so many cherry blossoms
i walked and walked and walked
and saw even more cherry blossoms
2 days ago
i rode the bicycle after shooting, in the afternoon
i didnt ride it for so long
i rode my friends boyfriends bike and she rode hers.
it is beautiful spring in seoul
and we rode and rode and rode
and i almost ran over 2 people
for hours
i was lost
in the wind
and the speed
change is good.
change is scary
but change is good.
________________________________________
2008/05/26
IF YOU ARE A KOREAN KID i think you should really stop watching haha hee hee
comedy show programs on TV and stop idolizing young idol boy bands and
start READING.
stop getting numb from getting swept by the media and make your own decisions
stop looking at the advertisements where they say "you are the one"
you are not the one.
comedy show programs on TV and stop idolizing young idol boy bands and
start READING.
stop getting numb from getting swept by the media and make your own decisions
stop looking at the advertisements where they say "you are the one"
you are not the one.
______________________________________
2008/07/24
say hi to gorgeous men who shouldnt talk or move
heres the thing about cute guys in ny.
THEY ALL HAVE SUCH FUCKED UP HIGH PITCH
SQUEEKY VOICES
and they shouldnt talk or move
just please stand still and look beautiful.
please.
THEY ALL HAVE SUCH FUCKED UP HIGH PITCH
SQUEEKY VOICES
and they shouldnt talk or move
just please stand still and look beautiful.
please.
________________________________________________________________________
July 14, 2008 2
complicated
you are complicated
i am complicated by you
but actually i am quite simple
i am dumb
i am dumb and happy.
i am a dumb piece of meat
and i rott everyday
my flesh gives a rotting smell
and people say its the smell of life
and they come to me
and watch me rott
and gets happy and upset and annoyed and disgusted and maybe sometimes feels compasion
but they dont realise they are rotting too.
a dumb piece of meat is pollution
a dumb piece of meat eats and consumes and vomits
a dumb piece of meat should burry itself in the ground
or burn itself
but a dumb piece of meat has something called mother and father and family
and they will be scarrred for life if the dumb piece of meat burns itself
so the dumb piece of meat should be dumber to be happy and rott quicker.
i am complicated by you
but actually i am quite simple
i am dumb
i am dumb and happy.
i am a dumb piece of meat
and i rott everyday
my flesh gives a rotting smell
and people say its the smell of life
and they come to me
and watch me rott
and gets happy and upset and annoyed and disgusted and maybe sometimes feels compasion
but they dont realise they are rotting too.
a dumb piece of meat is pollution
a dumb piece of meat eats and consumes and vomits
a dumb piece of meat should burry itself in the ground
or burn itself
but a dumb piece of meat has something called mother and father and family
and they will be scarrred for life if the dumb piece of meat burns itself
so the dumb piece of meat should be dumber to be happy and rott quicker.
___________________________________
2008/07/05
truth
doesnt work
you are there
i am here
and
i still believe
but we were
seperated
by birth.
bourgeois girls and boys
dont know love
we only know
comfort and boredom that follows
depression and boredom
is luxury
and it is our mother and our father
and it is repetition
why bother to escape your fate
what you were born into
why you suffer your poor self
everything is a lie
and we can only hope that there is something
out there
the last time we thought it was the last and final
and it wasnt
and it wont be
we will have affairs
and we will be bored
we will envy others
who will envy us
we will all be jealous and ugly
and then we will be bored
it is repetition
and i am a fool
it is our mothers and our fathers
and we will become mothers and fathers
and our children will follow
and the comfort will last if we are lucky currency wise
but the boredom will follow anyhow
you are there
i am here
and
i still believe
but we were
seperated
by birth.
bourgeois girls and boys
dont know love
we only know
comfort and boredom that follows
depression and boredom
is luxury
and it is our mother and our father
and it is repetition
why bother to escape your fate
what you were born into
why you suffer your poor self
everything is a lie
and we can only hope that there is something
out there
the last time we thought it was the last and final
and it wasnt
and it wont be
we will have affairs
and we will be bored
we will envy others
who will envy us
we will all be jealous and ugly
and then we will be bored
it is repetition
and i am a fool
it is our mothers and our fathers
and we will become mothers and fathers
and our children will follow
and the comfort will last if we are lucky currency wise
but the boredom will follow anyhow
_________________________________________________
2008/09/28
say hi to 1 to 10.
there are people
it is kind of taboo to do this, but
you can grade them from 1 to 10.
most people are a 5.
and the people who are 1 cant reproduce.
most people that are a 5 want to be with 10.
but even 10 wants to be with 10.
and people that are 5 or below are insecure
but at times people who are 10 are also very insecure.
people who are 5 or below can be very malicious
and vent out their anger on other people or try to use
psycho mind games because they know they can.
but it really is so... crazy. and kind of goes into the
cycle of vengence and violence.
so this is why people dont have as much sex as they used to
more divorce rates because our paitience and values are getting
lowered by every generation
and this is why there are less babies.
and alot of people are not fit parents.
you have to get a lisence for driving, owning guns,
you need to above a certain age for drinking, smoking
but you just get to be a parent so easily.
and those kids grow up and theyre weird and weird kids grow up and
have babies and that is mankind and actually we are animals
but social animals so it looks more sophisticated but actually
it is all SHIT.
it is kind of taboo to do this, but
you can grade them from 1 to 10.
most people are a 5.
and the people who are 1 cant reproduce.
most people that are a 5 want to be with 10.
but even 10 wants to be with 10.
and people that are 5 or below are insecure
but at times people who are 10 are also very insecure.
people who are 5 or below can be very malicious
and vent out their anger on other people or try to use
psycho mind games because they know they can.
but it really is so... crazy. and kind of goes into the
cycle of vengence and violence.
so this is why people dont have as much sex as they used to
more divorce rates because our paitience and values are getting
lowered by every generation
and this is why there are less babies.
and alot of people are not fit parents.
you have to get a lisence for driving, owning guns,
you need to above a certain age for drinking, smoking
but you just get to be a parent so easily.
and those kids grow up and theyre weird and weird kids grow up and
have babies and that is mankind and actually we are animals
but social animals so it looks more sophisticated but actually
it is all SHIT.
Její kamarád - na druhé fotce, nejvíc vlevo navrhoval kostýmy 2ne1 !
___________________________________________________
2009/03/20
say hi to milan kundera!
im reading his books now days
and i like him alot.
and ppl were like "REALLY? U LIKE MILAN KUNDERA?"
like as if its EW... is it????
i dont get it
i love his style of writing, very analytical and psychological
very reasonable, erotic, interesting, kind of grotesque, kind of stereotyping...
but very very... true
and i like him alot.
and ppl were like "REALLY? U LIKE MILAN KUNDERA?"
like as if its EW... is it????
i dont get it
i love his style of writing, very analytical and psychological
very reasonable, erotic, interesting, kind of grotesque, kind of stereotyping...
but very very... true
....
____________________________________________________
2009/03/03
say hi to the fact.
BEING A TEENAGER SUCKS
DOESNT MATTER if u were in school
or i u were doing this or that
it the same
power of mind is what does not suck,
i wrote down exactly what i wanted to do when i was like 13....
by the time im 20 .. and scary thing! it really happened that way
kind of every detail of it is like that.
and im going to be 20 in this summer i am looking forward to it.
looking back i wish i dreamed bigger
and visualized in more detail
so im 30's goal is to be a dictator
kidding.
so whatever you believe in you should believe it firmly and visualize it.
and its good to be aggressive about what you want.
DOESNT MATTER if u were in school
or i u were doing this or that
it the same
power of mind is what does not suck,
i wrote down exactly what i wanted to do when i was like 13....
by the time im 20 .. and scary thing! it really happened that way
kind of every detail of it is like that.
and im going to be 20 in this summer i am looking forward to it.
looking back i wish i dreamed bigger
and visualized in more detail
so im 30's goal is to be a dictator
kidding.
so whatever you believe in you should believe it firmly and visualize it.
and its good to be aggressive about what you want.
_________________________________
say hi to preference in men
SO
i am kind of...a rice queen
i was never attracted to caucasian boys or men
actually im not very attracted to men
the ones im attracted to are the ones i would like to be if i was a man,
i never had crushes on guys
BUT first time i saw Boris i was like...
i am kind of...a rice queen
i was never attracted to caucasian boys or men
actually im not very attracted to men
the ones im attracted to are the ones i would like to be if i was a man,
i never had crushes on guys
BUT first time i saw Boris i was like...
*photo of boris*
___________________________________________________________________
2009/06/19
say hi ....to happiness!!!
to be honest, living in paris was fun
but also very very depressing
i was used to getting anything i want at anytime
since i was young
i used to get very upset or agressive or simply
did not understand WHY sometimes i cant get what i want
and now i realised, things dont work like that
in europe... almost more than 50% of chance
it wont work out like you want, and people will be retarded about things
and if you stress about it
only you will suffer
i knew the theory always but then its hard to accept it,
and i told myself, before im 25, i will force myself to suffer abit in abroad
to develop myself, cos i feel like when i get back home ppl treat me like a princess
and i keep getting super spoiled....n alot of weird ppl so...i become caught up
its better in korea i can focus on the emotional complexity of life
its abit entertaining to deal with psycho people ...
... it kills time.
its still a constant battle between my old friends telling me
"Uve become so tough poor you! means u suffered"
"its so un nessasory you learn these things you are gonna come back anyway"
but im sure there is a way to become strong without being tough...
ive been very happy recently. and im learning how to not be tough but strong.
i lived a fast life and i wanted to end it as quick as possible
and now days i feel like... everyday is kind of precious to me
i was used to getting anything i want at anytime
since i was young
i used to get very upset or agressive or simply
did not understand WHY sometimes i cant get what i want
and now i realised, things dont work like that
in europe... almost more than 50% of chance
it wont work out like you want, and people will be retarded about things
and if you stress about it
only you will suffer
i knew the theory always but then its hard to accept it,
and i told myself, before im 25, i will force myself to suffer abit in abroad
to develop myself, cos i feel like when i get back home ppl treat me like a princess
and i keep getting super spoiled....n alot of weird ppl so...i become caught up
its better in korea i can focus on the emotional complexity of life
its abit entertaining to deal with psycho people ...
... it kills time.
its still a constant battle between my old friends telling me
"Uve become so tough poor you! means u suffered"
"its so un nessasory you learn these things you are gonna come back anyway"
but im sure there is a way to become strong without being tough...
ive been very happy recently. and im learning how to not be tough but strong.
i lived a fast life and i wanted to end it as quick as possible
and now days i feel like... everyday is kind of precious to me
____________________________________________________
2009/07/11
say hi to growing up
my friend told me over lunch the other day
that you get a better understanding of yourself
and all of the little confusing things of your past
comes more in a clear sense in your early 20's
its been quite true, in my late teens i was quite
confused about couple things
like
still im abit confused but slowly
i am getting a broader view of what actually
happened or things that i have, and what things actually are
and moved on, no hate, no self pity , forgive and forget
im in heaven and im in hell
alot of the times, this kind of job, damages people.
but for me,
ironically it gave me time to think about myself alot. (since all the wait and things)
i told myself, from beginning to spend time nicely, spend time wisely.
also fame, comes and goes.
i just wanted to go away.
i grew up with alot of things.
but i have nothing to go back to.
im not korean, im not english, im not singaporean, im not european. im not american.
no hometown to be stuck to.
i wonder. where is my home.
even before this job, i was always wondering.
i was such a lonely child
now my friends comfort me by telling me,
that i can make my own new home now, as i am free.
i am in heaven i am in hell.
that you get a better understanding of yourself
and all of the little confusing things of your past
comes more in a clear sense in your early 20's
its been quite true, in my late teens i was quite
confused about couple things
like
still im abit confused but slowly
i am getting a broader view of what actually
happened or things that i have, and what things actually are
and moved on, no hate, no self pity , forgive and forget
im in heaven and im in hell
alot of the times, this kind of job, damages people.
but for me,
ironically it gave me time to think about myself alot. (since all the wait and things)
i told myself, from beginning to spend time nicely, spend time wisely.
also fame, comes and goes.
i just wanted to go away.
i grew up with alot of things.
but i have nothing to go back to.
im not korean, im not english, im not singaporean, im not european. im not american.
no hometown to be stuck to.
i wonder. where is my home.
even before this job, i was always wondering.
i was such a lonely child
now my friends comfort me by telling me,
that i can make my own new home now, as i am free.
i am in heaven i am in hell.
need to learn how to stop destroying myself
stop being hard on myself and be nice to myself
i need to keep telling myself thati need to keep wanting something
something nice
something warm
more than just a fur coat
because i can make other people happy
i can understand other people's pain
because
i can love even after all that is left of me is gone
because i have that strength.
stop being hard on myself and be nice to myself
i need to keep telling myself thati need to keep wanting something
something nice
something warm
more than just a fur coat
because i can make other people happy
i can understand other people's pain
because
i can love even after all that is left of me is gone
because i have that strength.
_____________________________________________________________
2009/08/13
say bye
i tell myself
im strong.
i dont need to show
my painful past
no one needs to know
the horror i went through
i grew up too quick
and no one, saw past my surface
i dont know how to hurt people
i dont know how to be loved
i dont know how to love
im hurt
but im strong
and im perfect
alone.
im strong.
i dont need to show
my painful past
no one needs to know
the horror i went through
i grew up too quick
and no one, saw past my surface
i dont know how to hurt people
i dont know how to be loved
i dont know how to love
im hurt
but im strong
and im perfect
alone.
______________________________________________________________________
2009/08/10
.
im lonely.
what kind of loneliness?
every kind.
i feel disconnected. abandoned.
as always.
repetition
so what my love.
so what.
at first,
i just wanted to run away.
now i have no where else to run to
nothing to run from
i dont belong
anywhere.
i dont want to go anywhere
i just wanted to be happy
what kind of loneliness?
every kind.
i feel disconnected. abandoned.
as always.
repetition
so what my love.
so what.
at first,
i just wanted to run away.
now i have no where else to run to
nothing to run from
i dont belong
anywhere.
i dont want to go anywhere
i just wanted to be happy
_____________________________
l.
i dont believe in the future
i dont believe in the past
i dont believe anything
LOVE and sex is comforting
caress is even more comforting
compassion follows
and endless nightmares
and strong moments are beautiful
good looking things are not lasting but
elegance and politeness can be used.
i just dont want to sleep alone
i dont believe in the past
i dont believe anything
LOVE and sex is comforting
caress is even more comforting
compassion follows
and endless nightmares
and strong moments are beautiful
good looking things are not lasting but
elegance and politeness can be used.
i just dont want to sleep alone
______________________________________________________________________
.
i danced all night
i sold my soul
i sang a song
killed everyone
i realized space
i abandoned love
i bought blood
i hid my tears
i sold my soul
i sang a song
killed everyone
i realized space
i abandoned love
i bought blood
i hid my tears
______________________________________________________________________
2009/11/08
say hi to insomnia put to good use
_________________________________________________________________________________
Her death was discovered after she left a series of messages on a website saying she was "lonely" and "depressed".
Kim, 20, was a regular on catwalks in New York, Milan and Paris was found hanged in her city centre apartment by a friend, according to police.
She had modelled for leading designers, including Chanel, Dries van Noten and Alexander McQueen. Despite her professional success, she had hinted at her desire to end her life in her popular internet blog - a series of poems, photos and thoughts called "I like to Fork Myself".
On October 30, she sounded upbeat: "I left Seoul and I'm in Paris - I'm happy!" Her former home town had, she said, made her "mad, depressed and overworked".
The following day she wrote: "No more running away from something or someone or myself." But her thoughts had apparently darkened by November 5, when she wrote: "I already accepted that I relate to nothing. The more I gain the more lonely it is... I know I'm like a ghost."
And in a final comment on November 18, she posted an entry entitled "Say hi to forever" accompanied by a video of the song I Go Deep by Jim Rivers, a British DJ artist.
♥
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